Nothing is Like it Was

I don't know why, or how this is going to turn out exactly, besides a bunch of randomness, but all the people I've been following on tumblr as of lately has made me want to blog for three days or so now. I just haven't gotten around to it between schoolwork and my reading, and now I just...I feel like I NEED to post it now before I tell myself some other excuse as to why I should put it off. I don't know why I feel the quote fits for the title, by the way, I just think that it does right now. Not so much in a negative sense, just...that everything's different and so many years have passed in so short a time that I can't believe it.

What to talk about...there are so many things that have gone through my head as of lately, I just don't even know. Thus why i think this blog will probably be very random, as my brain is moreso than normal lately. First of all, since this is first and foremost on my mind lately, is Jess/Deli leaving yesterday. Her dad and stepmom have this outrageous idea that they need to send her to, basically a mental institution, long story short. She has to stay at this place for most likely 3-5 months, and she could say or do nothing to stop it really. She got there early this morning, and we talked on the phone last night but it's crazy knowing I can't just text her or call her if I need her for a long time. Sure, it'll probably go faster than I think it will, but at the moment, 3-5 months seems like forever. By that time, it'll be, what December or even my birthday, February?! Wow...can you tell I didn't even think about that before now? Anyway...she is one of the ONLY people, minus maybe Christie, and a few others that I'm now getting to that point with, to an extent, like Marisa, that I could say ANYTHING to and not worry that we wouldn't work it out. I could say something stupid, sad, or even something to piss her off, and it wouldn't make a difference. She'd help me through whatever it was, and vice versa. Sure, we have problems like normal friends, but we can TALK to each other about them so that we can fix them, which I think is lacking in some of my other friendships a bit, and I don't like that. But yeah, I'm gonna miss her a lot. And she's going to hopefully be able to either write me emails every so often or letters, but other than that, no contact until she's out.

Before I start to cry, I'll switch subjects. Lately, I feel like I've changed. Not in a bad way, but I'm more likely to state my mind to anybody if they ask. Well, granted, if it's a customer at work that's just being stupid about something, yeah I'm not gonna speak my mind. But, whereas it only used to go to my friends and having intellectual conversations with them about what I believe, I think I'm getting more towards that point of random people in my classes, if they were to start up a conversation with me about something important, I would continue it or debate it or whatever is needed. I can't promise that, but it's crazy to think that I definitely have become more open with people I barely know, people I kind of know, and the people I've known for years.

Gosh, so in between reblogging amazing hopeful stuff on tumblr (nodaybutoday05.tumblr.com if you aren't already following me and wanna haha), doing tons of homework, going to classes, and working, what have I been doing lately? Well, I'm preplanning another Halloween party in my head. I definitely want it on the 30th, and my dad's already okayed it, but I have no idea of much more. I'm thinking of my costume, food, drinks, etc., etc. You know, all that crazy party planning stuff. What else? Thinking wayyyy ahead to Christmas, and how I gotta start spending crazy money on all my favorite people soon, which always gets my bank account down a bit lmao. I'm thinking about how my birthday's...ya know apparently 5....5 months away and it's a Saturday and what I might want to do, or what I might have the money to do. I'm thinking about taking the Praxis, which I finally registered for, declaring my major for school, maybe even starting to substitute teach finally and getting out of Wawa. I wish that could all be instantaneous but it can't. It's getting there slowly though.

I don't even know where else I want to go with this at the moment, but honestly? If I disappear off of here for awhile, I'm not gone. Go to my tumblr, it shares everything I feel if not more lately, because I reblog a lot of quotes, as those of you that know me know that I LOVE quotes and song lyrics and live by them, and always like to find ones that describe my current feelings, so yeah. Now that I have 12 new posts waiting for me on tumblr, I'm going to go look at that. I might add more if my brain keeps going later on, but for now. Love you all, you know who you are. I don't need to state that anymore <3